


Fuck you, Tsukki

by kuro__ken



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Heartbreak, Mentions of Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:42:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25370059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuro__ken/pseuds/kuro__ken
Summary: Yamaguchi lost count of how many days it has been since Tsukishima went missing. Was it 14 days? 34 days? 7 days? He had no idea. All he knew was his heart ached, longed, for Tsukishima to come back to him. He longed for the day that Tsukishima would ignore him by putting his headphones over his ears. He longed for the day that Tsukishima scoffed at Yamaguchi’s adoration.He longed for the day that Tsukishima returned to him.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 5
Kudos: 57





	Fuck you, Tsukki

**Author's Note:**

> this is my very first haikyuu fanfic! please leave me a comment on how you like it!! I'll always try to improve as much as I can :)

Yamaguchi lost count of how many days it has been since Tsukishima went missing. Was it 14 days? 34 days? 7 days? He had no idea. All he knew was his heart ached, longed, for Tsukishima to come back to him. He longed for the day that Tsukishima would ignore him by putting his headphones over his ears. He longed for the day that Tsukishima scoffed at Yamaguchi’s adoration.

He longed for the day that Tsukishima returned to him.

“Yamaguchi? Yamaguchi?” Hinata waved his hand in front of the younger’s face. He had spaced out again. It had begun to happen more since he realized how many days Tsukishima had been gone. He counted the days. 67. 67 days without the one he loved most. 1,608 painful hours where he had to convince himself Tsukishima was coming back. Kageyama cleared his throat awkwardly which was what snapped Yamaguchi out of his daze.

“Oh!” He jumps slightly making Hinata smile fondly. His small hands grasp the cup in front of him, “What were we talking about again?”

Hinata grimaced, looking at Kageyama for support. Kageyama didn’t offer much support as he just looked away with a pained expression. Hinata braced himself alone, “The police… they have been investigating a lot right?”

Yamaguchi nods excitedly, “I think we are close to finding out where he is. They say they found some articles of clothing.” Kageyama rubs the back of his neck and Hinata looks down at his lap.

“Look, Yamaguchi,” Kageyama leans forward, putting his elbows on the cafe table, “The police came by the club room a couple of hours ago. They talked to Hinata and I since we were the only ones there and…”

Hinata steps in, “They said it’s not looking good.“ Yamaguchi looks up from his paper cup.

“What’s not looking good? Did they find him?” Yamaguchi gets frantic before Hinata shakes his head, tears brimming his eyes.

“Yamaguchi… they said he is probably dea-“

“No,” Yamaguchi grins awkwardly at his two teammates, “Tsukki isn’t dead! He’s just… he’s just…”

“Yams,” Hinata grabs Yamaguchi’s hands tenderly, “It would be better to just close the case. Pronounce him dead so we can all move on.”

Yamaguchi stands abruptly making the chair clatter against the marbled floor. The other customers at the cafe looked over at him with shocked whispers and sharp glances, “He’s not dead! Why can’t you guys just accept that?!” Yamaguchi yells out. Hinata tenses at the loud noise before Kageyama pats his shoulder to calm down.

“Yamaguchi, let’s talk this out,” Kageyama speaks out, voice wavering at the sight of his teammate so shaken up.

Yamaguchi shakes his head, hands reaching out to grab his bag, “I’ll be leaving now. Thank you for the coffee.” He whispers out. He stumbles out of the cafe, head spinning with confusion. 

Why was everyone so ready to say Tsukishima was dead? He had only gone missing a couple of months ago. He could’ve just had a rebellious phase and wanted to get out of their small town. The small town was suffocating. Tsukishima had always said that to Yamaguchi. He probably went on a train ride to Tokyo and without even realizing it, fell in love with the city. He wasn’t dead. There was no possible way.

The police were ready to throw the towel, their teammates were ready to accept he was gone, and so was Tsukishima’s family. Why was he the only one with hope? 

Yamaguchi looked at the orange-pink sky with tear-filled eyes. He walks the path to his house slowly. He remembers gazing upon skies like this with Tsukishima beside him.

_ “Tsukki!” Yamaguchi pulls at Tsukishima’s jacket and points up at the sky, “Isn’t it so beautiful? How could the sky produce such vibrant colors? It’s like there is glitter in the sky almost.” Tsukishima looks at Yamaguchi for a beat before looking up at the sky. _

_ “Sure. It’s pretty but,” Tsukishima grabs Yamaguchi’s hand, “I think you're 100x prettier.” _

_ Yamaguchi pushes Tsukki teasingly, “Don’t say things like that, it’s embarrassing.” _

_ Tsukishima leans down to face Yamaguchi. His eyes displayed endless amounts of love. A regular person wouldn’t be able to pick up on it but Yamaguchi could, “Let’s run away from this town. Don’t you find it suffocating?” _

_ “Let’s wait until we graduate at least,” Yamaguchi kisses Tsukishima’s hand then intertwines their fingers, “Then… I’ll run away with you all you want.” _

Yamaguchi collapses against a brick wall. The sound of his jacket scraping against the brick made his eyebrows twitch and eyes flutter closed. Tsukishima had left a hole in his chest the day he decided to leave. The pain he felt daily was indescribable.

“If you love me, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi speaks to the universe, “Please, God, return back to me. All I need is you.”

-

Tsukishima had not returned to Yamaguchi. Each passing day was a reminder to him that Tsukishima was gone forever. The empty seat at school, the empty locker in the club room, the empty spot next to him as he walked home after practice. All of it was a painful reminder that no matter how hard Yamaguchi prayed, Tsukishima had left him for good.

He had finally accepted the fate. Yamaguchi went to Tsukishima’s mom and told her that he was ready to fully let go. So they did. They closed the open investigation case and the funeral was held a week after the 8-month mark had passed.

Ever since then Yamaguchi had become a shell of a person. He didn’t laugh. He barely spoke unless someone called on him. The only thing he kept consistent was his love for volleyball. He turned all of his anger and heartbreak into practice and tension for the volleyball court.

“Yams!” Tanaka and Nishinoya run up to him with giggly expressions, “The team are all going to eat out tonight! Wanna join?” Tanaka pokes at Yamaguchi’s ribs but his expression didn’t change.

“My parents aren’t home tonight so I will just stay there.” His voice was monotonous leaving the two awkwardly standing there.

Nishinoya laughed awkwardly, “Well that’s even more reason to join us! You don’t want to be home alone all night do you?”

Yamaguchi sighed, tossing a volleyball in a cart, “I would like to be alone, please.”

“You two! Leave Yamaguchi alone when he’s cleaning up the court.” Daichi yells at them. The two guys run away laughing as Daichi approaches Yamaguchi.

He puts a hand on Yamaguchi’s shoulder effectively making him halt cleaning up, “Are you sure you want to stay home alone tonight? Do you think it would be okay with your mental health?”

“I’ll be fine.” He looks at the captain with no expression.

Daichi frowns, “Yamaguchi-“

“I said I’ll be fine! Can everybody just leave me the fuck alone!?” He yells out, chucking a volleyball across the court. Everybody in the gym halts and stares at him as he walks out of there with an angered expression lingering on his features.

He slams the gym door behind him. Yamaguchi noticed the sky was already beginning to darken as he took his usual path home. Tears well up in his eyes and his chest feel like it’s beginning to constrict. Every day was so painful. He didn’t want to explode on his teammates. He didn’t want them to worry about his mental health. All he wanted was his Tsukki next to him again. He just wanted to go into his room one last time and talk about dinosaurs and their life plans.

He never wanted any of this. In every plan of his life, Tsukishima was there. No matter what happened Tsukishima was always a constant.

How could he live comfortably when the one thing he had constantly just disappeared randomly? Did Tsukishima not feel the same way about Yamaguchi?

“God damn it!” He kicks the stairs that lead up to his house. 

The anger he felt was nothing like he knew before. It was an anger that started out as tiny annoyance but twisted and turned into an evil, nasty anger. He had frequent outbursts now because of it. No one was used to that side of him. Not even he was used to it.

He enters his home with a loud sigh. The door slammed shut behind him. He was happy his parents were out because he could cry to his hearts content. No longer did he have to silently cry in the shower or his bedroom. He sunk to the floor below him, grabbing his chest as loud sobs wracked his body. The pain in his chest was violent. It felt like someone took a knife and was endlessly turning it in the stab wound. He laid down on the cool hardwood floor, not caring if his neighbors are hearing his cries. His hands grasped at the floor as he sobbed and threw a tantrum.

Everything was so unfair. Why did this have to happen to him?

Why did Tsukishima leave him so suddenly?

He was finally letting all of that resentment and anger out of his body. It felt so therapeutic.

“Fuck you, Tsukki!” He screamed out, “Fuck you, Tsukishima Kei! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you so fucking much but I love you…” The cries began to get quieter and quieter before he was just laying on the ground reminiscing over everything. He wasn’t ready to let go of Tsukishima but he had to. 

He knew that as long as he held on to the hope he might be alive, his life would be a miserable spiral into nothing. Tsukishima wouldn’t want him to spiral into anything. He knew Tsukki had big plans for both of them. He was probably angrily looking down at the depressed Yamaguchi.

He sat up, head pounding from the upheaval of emotions he just let out. The silence in his house is almost deafening as he stands up, wobbling around for a bit before finding his balance against the wall. Everything felt so cool against his hot skin. It cooled him down and made thinking a tiny bit easier.

Yamaguchi almost jumps out of his skin when loud banging begins on his door. He sighs thinking it is probably Daichi to come fetch him and force him to dinner. Daichi really hated seeing his younger teammates struggling, which was commendable, but Yamaguchi really wanted to be left alone. He didn’t know how he was going to let his captain down softly.

How was he going to explain to crocodile tears on his face without getting awkward and blushing? 

“Daichi… I told you I’ll be okay home alone,” He opens the door and looks up, “I don’t need to-“

Nothing made sense to him. Life seemed to want to play with Yamaguchi’s emotions. It seemed like it was all a big game to the big man in the sky. Everything went in slow motion as his brain tried to process the image in front of him. 

He was expecting his captain to be standing there with a gaggle of his teammates, all worried at the way Yamaguchi looked. But instead, he got Tsukishima.

It was barely Tsukishima but it was him. It was enough to make Yamaguchi’s heart pound against his chest rapidly.

He looked to be 30 pounds lighter, hair a bit longer, and dried blood splattered on his clothes and face. He looked so frail as he stepped out of the view of the street.

“W-what?” Yamaguchi hyperventilates, falling backward as if he had just seen a spirit.

Tsukishima approaches his with a forced grin, “Tadashi… I’m so sorry. I didn’t want this to happen to us. Please believe me when I say that.” Tsukishima grabs onto Yamaguchi tightly, pulling him into a death grip that he returned with no problem.

It was him. It was truly Tsukishima. His body felt the exact same, just a bit bonier. He smelled the same. He felt like he was truly home once again. Yamaguchi couldn’t believe what was happening to him.

“Tsukki… what… what happened?” He runs his hand over his face but Tsukishima stands, dragging Yamaguchi up with him. The two stare at each other for a while before Tsukishima runs a hand through his hair.

Tsukishima furrows his eyebrows in pain, “I’m sorry but if you want to be with me, we need to run.” Yamaguchi shakes his head. His brain was firing a million different sentences to ask at once.

“Tsukki-“

“We need to _run_ , Tadashi. They are almost here.”


End file.
